I usually rather liked the fact I don't dream much, or that I forget them if I do.
Sleep was sleep.
But here I am, waking up nearly crying from a dream.

I didn't cry because anything inherently ~bad~ happened... I cried because I woke up.

I still had things to say, I was still talking, I was still confused. And I know it was only a dream but I wanted to see if he...even if he was only part of a dream...would understand. I think in those last few minutes I knew it was a dream, but I do that. I know I'm dreaming but the dream carries on as if I never noticed...does that make any sense at all?

It's driving me mad, because in school they get angry at me for not concentrating...It couldn't mean less to them.
Stuff like this...REAL things don't matter to them.
The time I went up there, confused and panicky because for the first time in my life, a guy had asked me out...well. They just tried to send me to next lesson. They don't see what's really a big deal to me. Only to them.
They only care about grades for the most part.
I think the only one who doesn't is the Drama teacher. You can have a conversation with her.

But the thing is, he's wrecking my life now. And only a few people care. I can't say anything to him because he is NEVER there. Ever. Only in my dreams where my words, telling him he confuses me and everything I want to tell him...doesn't matter.
You see, I wouldn't mind him wrecking my life if he were There when he was doing it. He's been wrecking my life for years without me minding...or him knowing, I think. He never noticed.

It's all because I didn't dare lose him, never told him and lost him anyway.
I'd build myself up to it, turn up at his house and just end up watching Goblet of Fire instead.
I dunno.
It's not fair on either. But I've tried SO much to stop thinking about him and it never, ever works.

If I ever see him again I don't know if I'm going to hug him or hit him. Seriously.

I really don't know what to do about this.

Well well well.
Things are going better than I thought they would. Not in school, that still sucks for the most part (written foodtech, maths and english are all PHAIL right now ) but artwise and just funwise it's all good.

Art is totally awesome right now. I'm actually doing well and admitting it. Look forward to seeing a cute kitty Siaem and smexy AquaAura (my shapeshifting tribal Quetzal gal char) piccy in the near future. *wags tail*
Not to mention I did a 2-character picture that is actually colourworthy. *faints with joy*

Also, I hath commissions. For a tail (a cute fuzzy fox one) and for piccies.
Seeing plenty o' friends, including vampirekitty Bethan (fursona name finally decided = Storm) and Hannah.

Went fursuitin' (me in my tail, furry jacket and fuzzy wristbands and Storm in her tail and MY collar lmao) yesterday to youth club - hannah dared us -, got our tails yoinked a couplea times....Boys. The girls were more interested than amused and I think the tails may become a habit over there. 'Tis fun that way.

My room looks awesome now (had carpet down yesterday. May well take photos if I get boreded today or tomorrow...), I have 3 new posters, 2 doctor who, and one dragon... They look dudeyful. All my stuff's set up and Bethan's here for the weekend. She's playing Okami on my PS2 right now. She's awesome at it, aka Better Than Moi.

Aether NEEDS putting up here on DA. I need to draw her more/again because...well, she's a glowey dwaggum and she deserves it, ne?

Um, 'tis all, I think.
(Except that Bethan and hannah's bro are getting along like a house on fire = There may be no survivors! Because I wanted an excuse to use that phrase. And it's true. He annoys the heck out of her.)

Yo ho, me hearties, yo ho.

Heyaaaa!
I'm in a good mood for once! Yes, this is not angsty, moany, ranty or anything of the sort. Let's all celebrate!


Anyway.
School, however boring, has been made at least a little more bearable by a drawingfriend in Art lessons. She's really good at anime/manga-style stuff, and various randomness.
I'm hoping that I'll get back into drawing my dagrums now. My poor dwaggins, they have been suffering. Them pesky eastern dragons are getting drawn all the time and never them. I must go give the scaley drakes some attention. (They get angrii if you ignore them!)

I also seem (with the help of mah mother!) to have quite a flair for designing tails. I made Bethan one the other day...I need to get photos of us in furry gear. Her tail almost touches the ground! So hopefully when I get some various furry fabrics, I shall get designing. It will be rather fun, I think.

Heh. What more to say...
It's so much closer to July than I thought...SUPER SMASH BROS! I need it soooo bad. (Curse you, for already having it! Jk. You're awesome.)
Butyeah.
I shall try and leave off the angst and get a livejournal instead for all that moany stuff.
So yeah!
So long fah now!

ARGH.
I need to stop being such a moany irritating wulfie.

But here I am moaning again. Sorry peeps.

In the past few days not one but TWO siamese-cat-Persian pictures have appeared. It's obvious what it means...
The first is one of my literal-interpretation pictures. The second was just a bit of fun (perfect for a Valentine card) but it's still him. Chibi and such, it's still obviously him.
It's annoying me.
But here I am again, suffering from what I call 'seperation insanity'. Kicks in majorly after...oh, 4 months of not seeing/talking to them. Which makes sense since last time was roughly December.
It's really, really, REALLY not fair on anyone. After all. Who wants to be around me, pining like this.

Maybe it's my year being away. Which directly means I'm not really 'allowed' (not as if anyone's said it but I mean. It'd be a bit off) to mention them. But yeah.

I wonder if you still ADORE Billie Piper, or if you still sleep to rediculously late times in the morning?
I wonder if you're still excited about the release of Super Smash Bros. Brawl?
What you thought to the most recent Doctor Who? I hope you liked it as much as we all did.
If you ever actually think about me and remember I exist before I call you?

It's not fair, to be thinking about you because it's not fair on anyone else.
But what can I do?

Or so it feels.
School is immensely, immeasurably BORING right now.

My world consists of Art (yay), English (mmkay), Maths (halp!) and Foodtech (SAVE MEEEE!) interspersed with Break and Lunch.

All other year10S are vanished because they're doing WorkEx. (Save 2 and they're doing workex in-school anyway, in different departments.)

Art isn't what I'd like. It's more Lesson-When-Zoe-Draws-And-Is-Left-To-Draw. Which would be fine and good if it wasn't for the fact I would like to be -taught-!
Save science, Art is the only subject I genuinely enjoy learning. But I've passed the stage where books are much use to me...I get bored of books very very fast now. I need somebody to show me because in the end books don't quite do what a person tutoring does for your art. They do for a while. But not now.

*flumps, buried in artbooks*

I need Real Art Classes.

Moany rant over.

For now